Shadows

The Shadow was heavy upon me; weighted darkness on my back.

Despair grew in my stomach; my chest filled with loss.

Where there once was life, now was a desert of bones.

A home filled with love became a mausoleum.

Standing on cliff tops waiting for them to crumble,

and leave me lying ruined on the rocks.

But I will trust in the Lord and lean not on my own understanding,

for surely as darkness crowds in, day break will come.

Therefore I will trust in God,

for he will make a way and life will come again.

Tim's Map

3 o'clock in the Morning Prayer

Search me O God and know my heart,
for the dirty monster's sly.
Test me and know my anxious thoughts,
for the rabid black dog hides.
See if there is any offensive thing within me,
for the heavy shadow lies.
And lead me in your way everlasting,
if it's just for one night.
Amen

Lament for Icarus

Let the piper play in the street, let him wail, let the lament sing.
I have nothing to bemoan,
The train left and I'm still here.
I lament for I have nothing to lament!

All is laid bare, ripe and full, acres of choice,
I choose not for I have too much to choose.

Entertained, enhanced and eschewed. So I change channel after channel after channel. Applause, links, products, credits, actors, awards, skin, tears, speeches, applause.

The sin of lonliness, can't tell anyone or they'll lock you away, after all you've got the TV, DVD, Surround sound, dolby 5.1 Twenty-First century lifestyle! How dare you be lonely.

Emptiness the socially transmitted disease.
Should've used protection.
Went to the clinic and stood in-line, they gave me bread and wine, just a crumb and a sip to keep me hungry till next time.

Iniquities for Oxbridge, sin for me.
Pray in the chapel, practice sin at home.
The preacher man tells me for half-an-hour to not be ashamed.
I am ashamed that I am not ashamed.

So I should, but I do not.
I sin, therefore I am.
Where is the rain for tonight I need to fly.

Saturday 10th Feb.

It went like this, the day grew darker as the sun forgot to rise. Grey it began & black it became. Of course it rained, how else do these things get written? But I like the rain, it cling-films the lonley days, keeps the silence at bay and lets me drift. When else do I think? Let's be honest, the reason I watch so much TV comedy is so that the laughing hides the silence & the thinking.

[I think I may have been suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder when I wrote this last month]

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Rabbi Simlai said, "Six hundred and thirteen commandments were given to Moses, 365 negative commandments, answering to the number of the days ofthe year, 248 positive commandments, answering to the number of a man's members.

Then David came and reduced them to eleven [Psalm 15].
LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman, who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD, who keeps his oath even when it hurts, who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken.

Then came Isaiah, and reduced them to six [Isaiah 33:15-16].
He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil- this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied, and water will not fail him.

Then came Micah, and reduced them to three [Micah 6:8].
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Then Isaiah came again, and reduced them to two, [Isaiah 56:1]
This is what the LORD says: "Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed.”

Then came Amos, and reduced them to one, [Amos 5:4]
This is what the LORD says to the house of Israel: "Seek me and live;

Or one may say, then came Habakkuk , and reduced them to one, [Habakkuk 2:4]
"See, he is puffed up; his desires are not upright—but the righteous will live by his faith' [Talmud, Makkot 23b-24a]

Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
[New testament, Matthew 22:34-40]

Take it to the Max

Ok, this is really random, Deborah brought me a gift of salty snacks back from her recent trip to Bosnia.

Click on the image and look at the top right hand logo and see what these Bosnian Chicken flavoured crisps offer. Weird!

I am hungry

I came across this piece by Father Martin Morgan. Apparently he delivered it at a Brighton Labour Party Conference church service that he was presiding over. Take it as you want.


I am hungry
And you pray for me
I am sleeping rough
And you pity me
I have left home and parents
And you wonder whose fault it is
I am young and sell my body in order to eat
And you hide in your morality
I am naked
And my nakedness makes you uncomfortable
I am in prison
And you are glad that you are out of harm
I am a single parent
And you tell me what a drain on resources I am
I am 'black'
And you feel you have to be nice to me
I am gay
And you secretly despise me
I am old and forgetful
And you know what's best for me

You throw money at my problem
But I am still here
And so is the problem

But most of all day-by-day and week-by-week
You pray for me

Prayer is supposed to change us
So why have you not changed?
Because when you do
Then so will all of us
And you and I will see the world
Through God coloured spectacles

Confessions of an Ordinand

Here's something I wrote for the Stukely Parish Magazine:

Firstly you might be wondering what an Ordinand is? Put simply it's a person being ordained to be a priest in the Church of England. Put more fully, it's a mix of being a theological student, where I go to lectures, and spend a lot of time reading, well, mainly getting books and intending to read them! I also expend hours pondering and discussing life's big questions like 'Who is God?' Why are we here?' and 'What's for lunch?' During term time I study in Cambridge at Ridley Hall, commonly known as the vicar factory. As I'm over thirty years old, I'm supposed to have more life experience and wisdom, so they allow me to take two years to qualify rather than the usual three. During this period, before they let me loose on some poor unsuspecting parish, I'm supposed to crystallise my sense of what it is to be an 'Anglican Church leader'. I'm still only part way through the training so I still feel far off from that moment, I know the day is coming when people will inevitably just see my dog collar and not the blundering student underneath it.

In between musing and stroking my non-existent beard at college, the second part of my training is acting as an apprentice vicar. In practice this means following Rev. Nick Devenish around, watching what he does and doing the things he asks me to do. This involves; preaching; praying; leading a Sunday service; but it also entails going into local schools; helping to run an 'Alpha' course where people come along and are able to ask open questions about the Christian faith; and participating in the monthly 'Thursdays@7', held at All Saints Huntingdon on the first Thursday of the month, which is a place of spiritual reflection, life exploration and space for growing a sense of community over a good meal.

With the theoretical aspects covered at Ridley and the practical application given around Huntingdon, I'm hopefully getting a more rounded understanding of what it means to be an Anglican vicar in the 21st century. I'm also starting to realise a few things about you out there. It's amazing how people treat me differently when I put on the cassock and surplice (the white large-sleeved tunic that makes me look vaguely like a Christmas fairy). When I wear them it's like I become the queen, people line up to shake my hand as they're leaving church and our conversations are full of pleasantries, but we don't say much.

It's also interesting going out to the villages, as I was brought up as a 'townie'. Villagers seem to have a connection with the old stone tower building, with its bells and gargoyles, at the edge of the village, but hardly anyone thinks about what might or might not be going on in there. It's strange, if the church was a local shop and it stocked nothing that people really wanted, nobody would frequent it. To avoid bankruptcy it would have to find out what its customers wanted and how to market it to them. But, for some reason, because it's a church we feel it's important that it's there, why is that? Does it represent a bygone era that we look back on but don’t know how to recapture it? Is it just a piece of historical architecture that shapes the village sky-line? Or could it be a symbol of the ‘soul’ of the village? Whatever your view there’s a challenge to all of us. For those of us who find ourselves sat in those ancient buildings on a Sunday, we must ask ourselves ‘are we just running a club for ourselves that baffles brave visitors with it’s practices and formulas?’ And for those of us who like the idea of a local church, but would only be seen dead in it, we need to discover this beautiful ‘soul’ in our midst, before it’s too late.

Happy Valentines Day!

Dear all,

Im spending my half term in the delights of Bosnia Herzegovina and Croatia.
Feeling really sleepy so not up to writing much now but thought Id just say hi to all and wish you my best valentines wishes.

Debs

Ridley Lent Book Reflection

At Ridley we were all asked to write a piece for the yearly Lent book. I chose the reading from Luke 10:29-37, the parable of the 'Godd Samaritan', this is my humble reflection:

Have you ever been ‘moved with pity’? If you’re anything like me, you may have felt sorry for a poor small furry creature, bewildered by your car headlights, so you swerve to miss it and let it live to dice with death another day. Or maybe you’ve felt a pang of guilt when images depicting starving kiddies in a far off country crept up on you during the ad break of your favourite sit-com, so you ring the number, give a few quid, feel good about yourself and get back to your show.

But what about real pity, the kind of loving-pity that grabs you and moves you with compassion? The pity of the Samaritan that the Worldwide English New Testament describes as wanting, ‘to share in his troubles.’

One summer I was in Malawi with my fiancée and her mother. Speeding along an empty highway we came across a horrific accident, an overcrowded minibus had driven off the road and flipped over into a ditch. It was chaos. My mother-in-law-to-be leapt into action and began to organise and attend to victims, but I froze with fear. All I could think about was the blood and the prevalence of HIV, Aids, Malaria and Hepatitis. Pity was the furthest thing from my mind.

Jesus teaches us that to be a neighbour is to be moved with pity and into action. To see the battered bloodied individual as not just a problem; cross barriers of prejudice and fear; get our hands dirty; allow the stranger into our personal space; and give generously of our time and money.

Lord,

Help us to be true neighbours.

Greetings everyone from Sunny Cambridge. We've been back for over 2 months now although sometimes it feels like we've never been away! Tim has started college and I'm back working at the school I was previously. Our blog has been severely neglected so for any die-hard bloggers, you'll be able to catch up. Now where was I....



So we went back up to the North Island and had a wonderful last week. We had amazing weather whilst in Roturoa and went on a tobogon run which Tim professes to be the best adrenalin N.Z. thing he's done. I however managed to fall off whilst children zoomed past me on the all age 'safe' run. Sarah (my sister) and I went zorbing which is basically like tuning into a hamster and running in a giant ball down a hill. And then we headed further north to the Coromandel. We had the most beautiful clear blue skies and though it was meant to be winter it was lovely nad warm. We spent out time on the beach digger monster sand castles with the kids, and then there was the massive hole...

There's a place called hot water beach where you can go and dig a hole to create your own spa pool. Due to the thermals in the area the water is schorching hot and all you have to do is fill it with a bit of cold to get the temperature right. The important thing to know, if you ever happen to go, is that the thermal area are very localised and so you have to check where they are before you start digging. You can just feel them if you put your hand on the sand. This is the imformation my sislter forgot to tell us untill after tim had dug his big hole, in a cold area of the beach. anyway, some Japenese tourist had inherited a boiling pool from some previous tourists and so they let us share there's after laughing at ours. The amazing thing is our was about a meter away and too cold to stand in, there's however was too hot to stand in!

The last day in the coromadel we spent visiting cathedral which was just the most beautiful day and I'll let the photos do the talking.

Our penulatamute weekend in New Zealand was spent with some of Sarah's friends and us in a beach house complety isolated. It was very relaxing with Tim trying his first attempt at fishing and spending most of our time on the beach. The landscape was really beautiful and it felt that there wasn't a care in the world, no need to rush. And then before long we were transported to the hustle and bustle of Hong Kong.

The story continues...

So after the hill we started driving up the East coast. First top was the moeraki boulders. We really liked these! They're amazing almost spherical boulders sitting on the beach like God's giant marbles! The best thing is they're not behind some fence but we were able to scramble on top and jump from marble to marble!

Back in the car we decided to take one heck of a detour through a mountain plateau through Duntroon, Kurow, Omararma past lake Pukaki and stopping at Lake Tekapo to take in the view across the lake and enjoy a very welcome break from the fog which enshrouded us most of the way. It was the most idyllic view point with a cute little stone church of the good Shepherd, nestled between snowy mountain peaks which were reflected in a beautiful blue green lake. With the sun beaming down it felt we could stay there all day just soaking the peace and beauty in. I musn't forget to mention the statue of a dog also on the shore of the lake. Can't remember exactly why it was there, but there was a bronze dog none-the-less.

Back on the road we drove onto Christchurch for the night. We couldn't find a place that was more of a home from home with a river running through (just like Cambridge), punting, old religious buildings ... the lot! Anyway highlights for us were visiting the cathedral which had wonderful artwork. They were celebrating an anniversary and had art work that involved contributions from the whole community woven together. They also had photos showing some of the different activities that had gone on including an animal service with loads of pets and livestock in the church! Our other highlight from Christchurch was the Antartic centre where we got to ride in haagland (the vehicle they use for the icy terrain), and also experience blizzard conditions.

After Christchurch we continued North and stopped in Kaikora. This place is built up due to the whales that live in the surrounding waters. Previously this meant a booming whaling industry but now it is based on tourism. We took an amazing trip to see the whales which was really exciting! We'd head out on the water and they would stick a little funnel thing in the water to listen to the whales call. Then we'd all suddenly zoom off across the waves and find the amazing huge sperm whales which would spout up their water and bob around for a while before their tales would come gliding out of the water and then effortlessly disappear. Incredible! Kaikora is translated as 'eat crayfish' so for lunch we thought we better - yummy!

So that just about rounds up the South Isalnd.

Back on the North Island we visited Napier which was built during the Art Deco period after a big earthquake and so looks a bit like a film set. Really lovely place to wander round along the beach and soak it all in. We then met up with my sister and family again in Rotorua for a weekend. Many of you have probably heard of this place as it is a thermal wonderland! Steam coming up out of drains and bubbling water holes. We went to a cultural evening and Tim was chosen (out of the party of over 100 - how does he do it?!) to be our chief.

Anyway got to go to dinner! Bye!